Just Breathe Read online

  Chapter Two

  The doorbell rang. Dex jerked his head up, cringing at the pain in his neck, just in time to glance at the babies before their eyes popped open and twin cries pierced what had, for once, been blessedly silent air.

  “No,” he groaned as he glanced at his watch. They’d fallen asleep after the bottles, and now, damn it, it was time for another feeding.

  The doorbell rang again.

  Dex had a moment of wanting to join the babies in their wailing. He reached over and touched each of them on the cheek before he pushed to his feet. Damn, his neck hurt. And his back. His butt was numb. He was too old to sit on the floor. His right leg had fallen asleep.

  He limped to the door and jerked it open. “What?” he barked as he tried rubbing the kink out of his neck.

  The little woman on the other side of the door jerked back and almost stumbled down the steps. She looked vaguely familiar, but for the life of him he didn't know why. Not now with his eyes blurry and the babies screaming for their next meal.

  “I’m Crystal Jorgensen. My uncles live across the street.” She motioned toward the yellow house directly across from his.

  He shook his head. “So? Is there something you need? Are the old men okay?” He liked the trio who always waved at him. They were nice old guys.

  The woman on his doorstep looked like a storybook pixie. Skinny, slightly built, with very short white-blonde hair. Her ears weren’t pointed. Although, they were very nice ears.

  Christ, Williams, get a grip!

  “The uncles are fine,” she said and tried peering around him, probably wondering about the decibel level coming from a few feet away.

  “I have to feed the kids. Come on in.” He turned away, leaving the door open for her to either follow or go away. He really didn’t care what she did. Damn it, his head hurt. He grabbed the empty bottles from where he’d left them on the coffee table and headed for the kitchen.

  He heard the front door close, and as he ran water to rinse the bottles, he glanced through the arched opening to the living room to see her standing over the baby chairs staring at the girls. He scooped formula, ran more water, got sterilized nipples from a sealed container he kept next to the coffee mugs.

  Silence.

  Dex dropped the bottle he was in the process of filling in the sink and rounded the corner into the living room, fear ripping into his heart. “What did you do?” he demanded.

  The pixie looked up at him from where she knelt on the floor, the babies lying on a blanket in front of her. “They just wanted to see each other,” she said, a pretty smile on her full, pink lips.

  He looked down at the babies. They lay next to each other on the floor where she’d spread one of their fluffy pink blankets. Their heads were turned toward each other, and they held hands, making happy cooing sounds and kicking their feet.

  Dex’s heart squeezed, and his eyes burned. He turned away and took a couple deep breaths. They wanted to see each other. They wanted to see each other? For a month they’d been screaming their heads off and all they wanted was to see each other?

  “Mr. Williams?” the pixie said. “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah,” he said in lieu of a nod since he was sure a spike had been driven through his neck. He had to clear his throat before he said, “I’ll get their bottles.”

  Crystal had never seen a man look more defeated in her life. Dark circles under his eyes, his hair a mess as if he’d run his hands through it a hundred times, his shirt wrinkled and half hanging out of his slacks. The man needed some serious help.

  The two babies she assumed were girls because everything was pink were utterly beautiful. She ran her palm over one head, then the other. She’d always loved baby hair. So soft. And their chubby little cheeks. Everything about them was so tiny except their big, blue eyes.

  They cooed at each other, their fingers intertwined. She’d made a guess at what they were crying about and got lucky. She’d read somewhere that twins didn’t like being separated to where they couldn’t see or touch each other. Heck, they’d spent nine months in a womb, scrunched up together, sharing everything. They wouldn’t want to be apart now, out in the big bad world.

  Without a mother.

  Crystal peeked at Dexter Williams again as he stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, his head dropped forward as if in complete defeat and exhaustion.

  Where was the mother? She really had to hand it to the man for taking on this kind of responsibility on his own. From what the uncles had told her about Dexter Williams over the past few years since he moved in, he was somewhat of a playboy. Beautiful women, fancy dinner parties...

  Baby clothes lay spread over the back of the dining room chairs, a pair of swings sat to one side of the living room, and the baby chairs took up the space where the coffee table should be, the table itself having been pushed up against the loveseat. Crystal couldn’t see any fancy dinner parties happening in here any time soon.

  The microwave dinged, and the man walked back into the living room. He knelt down on the other side of the babies and plugged a nipple into each little heart-shaped mouth. “Thank you,” he said, his voice low, a bit rough. “I had no idea...” His jaw ticked, and he wouldn’t look at her.

  She hadn’t meant to embarrass him. “It was nothing.” She shrugged. “Read it somewhere a long time ago.”

  He shook his head slightly but still didn’t look up from the babies as they suckled their bottles. “I never thought of it. They cry all the time. All the time,” he repeated, and there was no missing just how tired he was. “I should have known.”

  Crystal frowned. He looked up then and met her gaze. His eyes were the deepest green she’d ever seen, like the needles of the northern pines.

  “I’m a twin.” His voice was hoarse. “Was a twin.”

  Unable to close herself off from his pain, she reached out and touched his cheek. Even if she couldn’t see it in his eyes, which was as plain as day, she heard his desperation in his voice.

  Thick black lashes swept down as he closed his eyes, and for just an instant, he leaned into her touch, breaking her heart. Making her want to wrap her arms around him and give him comfort. Then he pulled away and offered a weak smile. “So, was there something you needed?”

  “Uh... Yeah...” It took her a second to collect herself. She normally didn’t pry into anyone’s life, and she sure didn’t walk into their home and fix things. She was a very private person and let everyone else have their privacy as well. Except for the uncles, of course.

  “The uncles said that you might be looking for a nanny, and since I’m looking for a job...” Her cheeks heated, and she ducked her head, afraid she sounded like a weirdo.

  Dexter Williams chuckled. “Did they now?” He glanced down at the babies, who were still happily sucking, then back at her.

  “I’m sorry. I told them this was ridiculous. You don’t know me, and here I am. But they pretty much made me come over here and...” She pushed to her feet and started toward the door. “I’m sorry to disturb your evening.”

  “Room and board, and I’ll pay you anything you ask.”

  She stopped before the door and spun around to face him. “What?”

  “They haven’t stopped crying since I brought them home. You were here less than five minutes and made them happy. You’re hired.”

  Crystal frowned. “You don’t know me. I could be a kidnapper, or a thief or...or worse. How can you just hire anyone to care for your children? That’s just not right, Mr. Williams.”

  He grinned, but the smile didn’t quite reach his tired eyes. “I’ll do a background check on you if it’ll make you feel better, but those three old men have been looking out for this neighborhood since I moved here, and if they sent you over, then I’m assuming you’re not going to kidnap the twins.”

  Crystal couldn’t deny she liked hearing that her uncles weren’t just a nuisance to the neighborhood with their nosiness. “I don’t have a criminal record, and I
worked in a daycare when I was in high school.”

  The bottles empty, Dexter pulled the nipples from the babies’ mouths and set them on the coffee table. Then he grabbed a burp rag from a pile on the coffee table and lifted one of the babies to his shoulder. Without hesitation, Crystal went back to the blanket on the floor, sat down, and lifted the other to pat her little back. Oh, to have the sweet little bundle of warmth in her arms…

  “You’ll want the towel,” he said, tipping his head in the direction of a pile of folded burp cloths.

  Too late, she thought as the baby let out a big belch and moisture seeped into her blouse. Oh well, that was what washing machines were made for.

  “Sorry,” Dexter said.

  She laughed. “It’s okay.” She lowered the baby into the crook of her arm, took the burp cloth Dexter held out for her and cleaned off the sweet little girl’s mouth before wiping her shoulder. The baby smiled and cooed. Crystal swallowed hard. She’d forgotten how much she’d once dreamed of being a mother. “They’re beautiful.”

  “Yeah,” Dexter said on a sigh. “They really are.”

  “What’re their names?”

  “Ruby and Amber.”

  “Which is which?”

  When he didn’t answer, Crystal looked up at him. He held the other baby in the crook of his arm the same way she held hers, staring down into the little girl’s face. He looked up at her and shrugged.

  “You don’t know which one is Ruby and which one is Amber?”

  “Only when I change their diapers.”

  She raised her eyebrows.

  He blushed and shrugged again. “Ruby has a birthmark on her right butt cheek.”

  Crystal chuckled. “Maybe it’d be better if you didn’t dress them alike. Then you could tell.”

  “Yeah... About that.” He glanced into the dining room. “All their clothes are...the same.”

  Still cradling the baby against her chest, Crystal got up and went into the dining room. Not just the chairs, but the table itself was piled with clothes, all neatly folded and stacked. And he hadn’t been joking. Piles and piles of pink fuzzy pajamas and white onesies.

  “Mr. Williams?” she said coming back into the living room. “Can I ask...why?”

  He sighed and laid the baby down on the floor, then reached for the bag of diapers tucked under the coffee table. “I didn’t have any time for baby shopping. Sheri had all the cribs and car seats and everything, but she’d never wanted to know if they were boys or girls. Wanted to wait until they were born to buy their clothing.”

  He deftly popped the snaps on the pajamas and, with obvious skill, removed the wet diaper, cleaned the little girl’s bottom with a wipe, and then put on the new diaper with very little fuss. The baby chewed on her fist.

  “This one’s Amber,” he said as he as he snapped her pajamas.

  Crystal handed Ruby over when he extended his arms. As soon as he set her on the floor next to her sister, the babies clasped hands again and stared at each other. It was so sweet it made her ache.

  “I never thought of it...” Dexter shook his head as he started changing Ruby’s diaper, seeming really upset that he hadn’t known to simply stick them side by side.

  Crystal knelt back down on the floor across the blanket from him. “I wouldn’t have thought of it, either, if I hadn’t read it somewhere. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I think you’re a wonderful father for taking care of your babies all on your own.”

  He glanced up at her then back down at Ruby as he fastened the new diaper into place. “They’re not mine.”

  She bit down on her tongue.

  “I mean...they’re mine, now. But I’m not their father. I’m their uncle.” He snapped up the pink pajamas and then touched Ruby’s cheek with the back of his finger. “She died three hours after she gave birth.” His jaw clenched a couple of times, and he blinked rapidly. She heard him swallow.

  Both little girls sighed, and their eyes drifted closed, hands still clasped together.

  “I’m sorry,” Crystal said, at a loss for more words. She knew how it felt to lose a loved one. She’d lost everyone in her family except Uncle Charlie. He was the one who helped her through the worst of her illness. If he hadn’t been by her side through the whole ordeal, she probably would have given up.

  “She knew, too.”

  Crystal raised her gaze from the babies to look at Dexter, but he was staring across the room, his eyes unfocused.

  “Knew what?” she asked.

  “She knew she was going to die and didn’t bother telling me.”

  Crystal waited, wondering if he’d elaborate. She’d just met the man and it wasn’t her place to pry, but she couldn’t deny that her curiosity was pricked.

  The silence stretched for long minutes. Finally, Dexter turned his head and looked right at her, those sad, dark green eyes boring into her. “We were twins. We were together through...everything. Yet she didn’t tell me. How could she have done that?”

  Crystal didn’t know what to say. She’d never had a twin, never had a sibling. And her parents had both died suddenly, without warning.

  “When she went into labor, she called me,” Dexter continued. “Of course, I went to the hospital; I’d promised I would. For thirty-six hours, she struggled to give birth.” He shook his head and dropped his gaze back to the babies. “She smiled when she saw them. Held them. Counted their fingers and toes. And then she asked the nurse for the birth certificates to fill out.”

  He shook his head, and his brow wrinkled into a frown. “The nurse said it could wait until the next day, but Sheri insisted she fill them out right then. So the nurse relented and brought the papers. Then Sheri asked for another piece of paper and wrote something. I didn’t know what she was writing. I was too enamored with my new little nieces.”

  Dexter’s chin shook as if he were holding back tears, and Crystal thought she might burst out crying. She’d never been able to watch a man cry. And deep down, she thought he was a very strong man who was simply at the end of his rope because he’d lost his sister and now had two tiny babies to raise all on his own.

  “She was writing out her will. Naming me the girls’ legal guardian. She even had the doctor and nurse sign it to make it legal, and all the while I was oblivious.”

  Dexter surged to his feet and paced across the room, one hand cupping the back of his neck, the other shoved deep in the pocket of his wrinkled slacks. The worst part though, Crystal thought, was that he looked so...defeated.

  She climbed to her feet and went to him, laid her hand against his shoulder. “You haven’t had time to grieve, have you?”

  A dry, pain-filled laugh slipped out of him. “I haven’t had time to breathe.”

  With all the therapy Crystal had been through, first losing her parents, then coping with her illness and then her husband’s abdication, she knew the stages of grief better than most. She wondered where Dexter was. To her, it sounded as if he might have made it all the way to stage four. Depression.

  “You’re tired,” she said for lack of anything deeper. She’d been through therapy, but she wasn’t a therapist. Didn’t pretend to begin to know how the human mind worked. She’d just barely dealt with her own problems. And still she struggled to keep her spirits up. To keep herself on an even keel so she didn’t slip down into the murky waters of depression and stay there.

  “I’m exhausted,” he admitted. He turned toward her, and it was like a knife to her gut to see his red-rimmed eyes. He hadn’t shed a tear, but it had taken a lot for him to hold them in. “Will you take the job?” he asked. “I mean it. Name your price. I’ll pay you whatever you ask.”

  Doubt shot through her. She wanted to stay and help with the babies. She needed the money. But she didn’t want to be needed by a man for any reason. Her husband left because she couldn’t give him what he needed. It was better not to let anyone rely on her because she never knew when she’d get sick again. Anything could happen. She’d only been in remission for
a couple of months. Dexter Williams needed someone to rely on, and she’d probably fail him.

  “Please,” he said softly. “You don’t realize that this is the longest stretch of silence in this house since I brought them home. And you did that.”

  She shook her head. “Now that you know—”

  He closed his eyes for a moment and let his head fall forward as if it were too heavy for his neck. “You said you needed a job. You’re older, more mature, than any of the women—girls—the nanny agency has been sending. You’re smarter, and you know more about children. Even if it’s only temporary, please take the job.”

  “Okay,” she said on a whisper. How could she deny him? He’d so obviously reached the end of his rope.

  A ghost of a smile flitted over his sensual lips when he met her gaze again. “Thank you.” He sighed. “Let me give you a quick tour of the house.” He turned away and started walking down a hallway. “I realize you don’t have any of your stuff and probably can’t start right away—”

  “I can start tonight, Mr. Williams. I don’t want to overstep myself, but it looks like you could use a solid night’s sleep.”

  He stopped and turned toward her in the dimly lit hall. “You have no idea.”

  She smiled at him. “I have some spare clothes and toiletries I keep at my uncles’ place. I’ll be fine for tonight.”

  “Thank you, Ms...”

  She laughed. “Crystal Jorgensen. Crys or Crystal is fine.”

  He extended his hand. “Dex.”

  They shook hands, and Crystal couldn’t begin to deny how the gentle strength of him seeped through her like a slow burn. It had been so long since a man touched her in any way besides professional, and she missed it.

  But Dexter Williams was now her employer, and she wasn’t exactly in any shape to start a personal relationship with any man.

  She pulled her hand from his. “Dex,” she repeated.

  “I’ll show you your room and the nursery and help you get the babies settled. Then, if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed. I have a meeting at ten tomorrow morning that I really can’t miss.”